Human Contact

Thursday is the big day. We are sailing to England on the Queen Mary II. It should be incredibly exciting. I am afraid of the flying part, but the ship should not be so scary. It is as big as a small town.
The bipolar keeps me by myself more than not. I have to work on this getting out and being sociable thing. Now I did get a call tody from soemone I believe was a Jehovah's Witness. that was a strange interlude. I don't think she agreed with all of my answers to her queries. When she got to the offering of an article, I politely ended the conversation. I may need human contact, but I am not sure she qualified as someone to cheer me.

Still Around

No, I have not left the country or gone into some cloistered nunnery. I have just been struggling with this bipolar diagnosis. It has been difficult to type even a short entry. Besides racing thoughts, there is the anxiety. I have considered writing about the symptoms and such, something for novices at this journey, but do I really want to frighten the newly initiated?

Hypomania

Now that I reread that previous entry, I wonder about the sharp edges. I still think there are none when it comes to solutions. No clear route presents itself. However, occasional moments of black and white, extreme contrast, do present themselves. I have recently been told the acute sense of other people's errors is a symptom of hypomania. Irritability does not reach the threshold of true mania. I am curious about the term hypomania. A hyper thyroid is overactive while hypothyroidism means under activity. So is hypomania an underachieving mania? Could there even exist a hypermania?
I have to agree with Eddie Izzard in his observation of dyslexia as a term. He commented that dyslexia is not such a swell choice to label a disorder suffered by people who have trouble with spelling. Why not call it "bonk?" I think that people who come up with some of the labels need to examine their process. Getting back to hypomania, isn't the term mania an extreme already? To me that implies no possibility of hypermania. Consider the derivative maniac. That label plainly describes ultimate behavior and not a continuum. Or am I wrong? Are there classes of extreme? Could someone be hypermanic or even uber manic? Hypo suggests under, less, insufficient. Hypoglycemia is another example. I cannot define that one but I believe it has to do with sugar production and there is the contrasting hyperglycemia.
What this all comes down to is that hypomania is a misnomer. How can there be less that sufficient mania? The set of symptoms delineates a real condition, but call it something else. Otherwise the treatment should aim for increasing the insufficient symptoms until true mania is achieved.

Expectations, Not Great

In depression there is a disconnect somewhere among expectations, realities, and results. The would-be ballerina expects that she will be a dancer. Reality is that she has two left feet. The result is somewhat short of ballet.
The ballerina example is over simplified since depression goes on in some intangible zone of thought and emotions. So I might expect to weather the storm of a family visit, and the reality is that I survive it. Their departure, however, results in a let down. I do not know why; searching for that reason may not even be the key.
Depression is a foggy place where sharp edges and facile answers recede.

After having commented on Vick returning to football, I thought it would only be fair to likewise say something about Mark McGwire's confession and his return to a coaching position with the Cardinals. After all, I am a St. Louisan, so I should watch my own backyard first.
There are several differences between Vick's and McGwire's cases, as there are differences between McGwire and , say, a cocaine using athlete.

• Steroids were not banned by baseball when McGwire used them.


• No animals were harmed by his use.


• McGwire did not have t-shirts made advertising any illegal activities.


• Steroid use did not hinder his ability to perform in a way the club expected.


• Except for the danger to his own health, McGwire did not threaten the safety of his family.

If Vick's case gave hope to out of work felons, the McGwire's example might be one of how to get around congressional scrutiny.

Comedy and God

We went to see Eddie Izzard last evening. His flight of ideas style is wonderful and something I totally understand. I was thrown a bit by his not believing in God. I wanted to have a theological discussion with him which is what I did in my head. It is a sad comment on much of Europe and so called scientific persons that God does not fit into their world view. Then I realized I was there for the comedy, and that was great--even the pokes at the papacy. I guess I can go as far as the Monty Pythonesque big personage telling King Arthur not to grovel, but I am not cool enough to give up on God. He/She has a sense of humor. Of that I am sure.
If you know me well enough to talk with me, ask about the badger joke.

Snow and No

We had a "snow event" Wednesday into Thursday with about 5 inches of soft, dry snow followed by strong wind gusts and frigid cold. I swept the front and back walks. The snow was light enough in weight to allow for a broom--not as heart attack inducing as a shovel . I enjoyed the tiny excursion into the cold and was then grateful for a warm house and cats to warm the lap.
I said no to the job, and I feel okay about that. It did occur to me that I was closing one door but am not sure where that damned window might be that I could now open.