Shocking

So I was mentally congratulating myself as I walked up the stairs to the 2nd floor. Today went well. I didn't accomplish all I wanted to get done, but I managed to get through the day pretty well. It also occurred to me that no one had suggested EST for me, something a woman I know had been prescribed. Is that the sum of what life has become? I did a few chores, talked to a few people, and did not have to face electric shock treatments, so I was satisfied, almost elated. Is this pathetic or is this "good enough" living?

One more query--why is it so much easier to recognize sadness and joy and true discernment in someone else"s life?

Listen and Learn

Recently I have noticed that the more I say, the more I am misunderstood. It has happened in several venues, and I am concerned. There was a time that I would have immediately countered with a "but. . . ." Now I hesitate wrapped in the fear that I only respond or correct in order to enjoy my own spoken or written voice. Resorting to silence, at least politically, frees me to observe and learn. The anger in the current political atmosphere stifles discussion anyway. Why should I take the trouble to comment if no one is attempting to really listen to me?

Rhetorical Musings

I just sent a comment to my eldest daughter's blog. In it, I referred to the vituperative rhetoric in the current presidential campaign. I am somewhere in this awful middle ground which is worse than any limbo. I am conservative when it comes to finances, but I support some social programs. As I get older, I believe more and more that government is not the answer, so socialism is not my cup of tea.
My daughter is frustrated and angered by the "Kill him" comment made by an audience member at a Sarah Palin rally. I found some media coverage of the incident, coverage that I felt was not conservative b.s., and I included the link. In the article and linked videos, discerning the audience shouts is not so simple. Of course Palin attempts to elicit response--that is her job. I also pointed out some negative campaigning in which the democrats have engaged, and I closed suggesting neither side nor any politician is particularly innocent. Now I worry that she will only see my comment as some challenge to her ability to interpret her world.
I too am upset by the election and the statistics and half truths we Americans are fed every four years. I am tired of making voting decisions on the basis of the lesser evil. Looking for info on the Florida rally, I came across a local article on my mother-in-law's parish and a sermon their new priest gave this past Sunday. A union leader, a lifelong Catholic and a democrat, accused the priest of comparing Obama to Hitler in a reference to the pro-life issue. According to this man, the priest also said that people who vote for Obama would be condemned by the church. The union man was so angered that he stood up and challenged the priest and then left the service. Later in the article, the writer reports that the printed copy of the sermon did not make that particular reference. The reporter in turn asked the priest if he wavered from the written text, and the priest claimed he did not. He also added that he would not make the statement about church condemnation because it is not true. The original accuser stuck by his story. I know a little about the priest, a convert from Judaism and a latecomer to the vocation--39 and just ordained. My mother-in-law really likes him. I noticed that the reporter did not interview other parishioners, so all that we have is a "he said; he said." There was more to the article. Of course I pick out what suits my purpose, but then EVERYBODY DOES. I keep thinking of incidents I have witnessed and then read about in some media outlet. I am always amazed at how skewed the story becomes.
Now I am rambling and I have only 4 hours left to sleep tonight. No solution to this uneasiness right now.

More Synthetic Stuff

I have had a gradual med change over the past year or so. Other changes have ensued. So I wonder what is correlation; what is cause and effect? What might only be coincidence? There are no definitive answers, and I am not consumed by the questions. They just cross through my range of thought occasionally.
Now I have had two doses of the synvisc--the medication that does not actually cushion the bones in my knee joints but somehow magically encourages my body to do that work. That is, if it works which is only about a 50-50 possibility. I think my knees feel a little better. Maybe that is a placebo effect. Again, there are more questions than answers, a current theme in my life. On the other hand, I may just enjoy the needles in the knees experience and want to encourage that behavior among medical professionals I encounter.

Too Tired

I am so tired. It is almost a soul tired. Physically I need sleep, but emotionally and spiritually I need some R&R as well. Now if I will only allow myself the indulgence of revitalization. . .

Not So Funny

Some reduction in squirrel activity today. Maybe they read my blog. I lay in bed the other night and I processed through some hilarious stuff before drifting. I wish I could remember what was so funny. I could have used some good stand-up in class today. It was classic underprepared death spiral. I was running late and could not find the calendar I wanted to copy. Then the journal entry put most of the students in a bad mood. I finally topped it off with too little to do to fill the time. I am usually better at ad libbing. But I salvaged the rest of the day with a meditative visit to the art museum. Yummmmm. I even purchased a couple of art sticker books to share with my granddaughters. So we will be discussing Cassatt and Vermeer. And maybe I will locate my sense of humor again.

The Squirrel Wars

About the squirrels. . .We have a small fountain on our back, outside wall next to the door that leads from the kitchen to a small deck of about 10X10 square feet. The fountain has a pump that circulates water through a lions mouth into a semi circular bowl that overfills into a second, larger bowl. It provides a pleasant water trickling sound and is visually pleasing as well. Occasionally we add a little bleach to the water to cut down on algae growth. Chlorine or no, the local squirrel population has deemed the fountain their watering hole. I do not begrudge them the fluid refreshment, but washing squirrel excrement from our only path back to our parking area on the alley has become a daily chore. This is not a few stray turds. I can only conclude that the water has a laxative effect. The first few feet out our back door is liberally sprinkled with poop every morning. It is unsanitary and dragging the stuff in on our shoes is an added feature.
We have upped the chlorine content to no avail. My husband added Joy to the mix which created a sudsy sculpture between the bowls but did not reduce the squirrel droppings. I would think that they are only coming to make use of the facility as a restroom, but if we disconnect the pump and allow the fountain to run dry, we are left no little gifts.
We own two cats who are completely useless in this instance. Not only are they indoor cats, they also show no inclination to even want to venture outside. I have considered leaving the back door open at night to expose the nocturnal poop distributors to the meows through the screens, but we sleep on the second floor and the cats offer no security.
There is a neighbor cat who likes to sun on our back walk, but she finds her home each night, so my plan to feed her and assure her loyalty is not going to help.
I have considered a perigrine falcon. I am just not sure I could deal with any extra squirrel carcasses, and the neighbors who own small dogs might complain. I know I could turn off the fountain, but then they win. I even tried a liberal distribution of chili powder around the periphery of the apparatus. There were squirrel prints in the powder the following day. All of this makes me look forward to a hard freeze and winterizing the fountain: cleaning and drying it.
There is a nesting pair of redtailed hawks over in Tower Grove Park, but how to entice. . .

Symply Synthetic

Needles in the knees yesterday. Placebo effect today. I walked at the Botanical Gardens as though I had no arthritis. That was only the first of three injections in each knee. I asked about where the artificial substance went. Is it somehow absorbed into my system? Will I wake up one day with enlarged breasts or possibly a quaint goiter-like growth on my neck? The Dr. was so reassuring. He said the medical community does not even know exactly how the synthetic stuff works much less where it eventually goes.

The squirrel wars continue. Film at eleven.