A Dance

I was just reading my eldest daughter's blog and felt inspired. I am actually inspired by all of my daughters in different ways. But about the eldest--I am in awe of all she manages to do and to do well. From quilting to knitting to rearing wonderful children. But sometimes I think she feels the need to justify herself to me. Maybe I make some random comment about some toy in her living room and she says she has not had the time to pick up the entire downstairs, which is where her two year old stays so busy with everything. I don't mean to confront her housekeeping skills. How she keeps her house is up to her, and she has three kids who move from room to room dropping detritus. That' just what it's like to have children, happy children. The funny thing is that in this dance we both join, I feel like I want to justify myself to her. Mentally ill (God, that is a horrible term), I often lack energy, lack the will to be creative. And I want her to understand that I am not lazy so much as very emotionally tired. Maybe she already understands, but I decided to write about this since I doubt I will ever be able to say it out loud.

Human Contact

Thursday is the big day. We are sailing to England on the Queen Mary II. It should be incredibly exciting. I am afraid of the flying part, but the ship should not be so scary. It is as big as a small town.
The bipolar keeps me by myself more than not. I have to work on this getting out and being sociable thing. Now I did get a call tody from soemone I believe was a Jehovah's Witness. that was a strange interlude. I don't think she agreed with all of my answers to her queries. When she got to the offering of an article, I politely ended the conversation. I may need human contact, but I am not sure she qualified as someone to cheer me.

Still Around

No, I have not left the country or gone into some cloistered nunnery. I have just been struggling with this bipolar diagnosis. It has been difficult to type even a short entry. Besides racing thoughts, there is the anxiety. I have considered writing about the symptoms and such, something for novices at this journey, but do I really want to frighten the newly initiated?