Christmas and Blahs

Now for the post-Christmas blahs. I thought I had some of the holiday rush issues licked this year. While I was recuperating from the second knee surgery, I crocheted and sewed some of the gifts, and I did both early antique mall shopping and timely online purchasing. But I neglected to consider the physical efforts involved with a son graduating on the 18th of December and preparation for the annual Christmas open house which fell this year on the 23rd. Then there was the anxiety of the gift opening. Will everyone be pleased? Were we fair in distribution among the kids? Will the grandkids like what I made? At least Christmas Eve Mass was calming. We sat in the 2nd pew--Terry and I did not fit in the 3rd with the rest of the family. Coats and sleeping children take up lots of room:) No one else sat as far forward as we, so it was very like the Mass and the readings were directed to us. It was a thoughtful high point to the holiday. After Communion, I went to the back of church and took the sleeping Leo to relieve Bridgett for a moment. I could not describe better than she did (in South City Musings) how peaceful the new cry room area is. With child gates instead of glass, it seems less removed than more traditional cry rooms. And it's downright comfy. Then was the frenzy of gift opening at our house and another late night. I have to admit that everyone at least appeared happy with the seasons spoils.

Tired and slipping into anticlimax mode, Terry and I took Bevin and Colleen to Terry's sister Paula's house on Christmas afternoon. That was exceedingly uncomfortable for me, and I am still not sure what it was about the gathering that disturbed me. The truth is probably that there were many things. Terry's mom is still recovering from a year of terrible health problems. She is better than in July or September, but she is not nearly back to her level of activity at this time last year. There are also old issues that I believe I am more cognizant of now than ever before. Three of Terry's brothers were MIA, each with personal and family reasons. The children who were there, the under 12 year old set, are not so like the generation before. A couple are feral, and others have so much baggage at a young age that their behavior is bizarre. And the adults all looked more than a year older than they did this time last year. Again, I may just be more aware of the change. My current drug regimen does not numb me as some of the previous cocktails did.

After all of the rest of the pleasant events, including a highly successful party, I keep coming back to the ennui of Christmas afternoon. Maybe it is only fatigue and being alone with my thoughts. I think I will get busy, go to Target, maybe buy a pocket calendar for 2010. That should help.